Comments

Within the last week it has come to my attention that people are unable to leave comments. I am not exactly sure why this is, but I fiddled around with the different settings and think I may have fixed that problem...if you would like to try, please feel free.
Also, through some emails that I received, I would like to clarify my position in my last blog. First, let me say that I hope I did not offend anyone with that post, that was not my intention. Also, I hope that no one thought I was judging people in that situation, because I understand why people feel that way, I was just trying to get out into words how I was feeling with the situation that I had witnessed.
The situation made me a little sad, it is true. However, I was not trying to criticize anyone or make anyone feel bad about having said those kinds of things or having felt that way before.
I apologize for not being able to adequately expressed my thoughts and feelings in such a way to help people understand what is truly being thought and said. I have never had a gift for languages or words, written or spoken. So I ask for your forgiveness and will try harder in the future to be more clear with those things that I am sharing.
Thanks for following and sharing your life with mine. I love you and hope that life is good for you! -- Chase 'n Ashlee

Do They Even Know What They Have?

I overheard a conversation today of this girl talking to her dad. She is married and in my semester of nursing school. She just found out that she is pregnant, due in November and will not graduate for about a year after that. She was crying and telling her dad that she cannot do this and she can not do both. She even said she did not want this right now.
My heart sank when I heard this. Over the last year or year and a half, I have had several friends that have felt like they have been in a similar situation where they did not feel ready to have children, did not want a child yet or flat out never wanted children.
Whenever I hear someone express these kinds of ideas and feelings, it breaks my heart. I always get super sad and have to fight back the tears so that they will not see me like that and so they will not feel bad. However, it always makes me sad because since I have been married, I have really wanted to have a baby. There are very few things that I desire more than to be a mother and many times I feel like I would be willing to give anything to have a baby right now.
When we were dating and engaged, Chase and I talked about what we wanted to do on this subject. We decided that we were not going to do anything to prevent pregnancy but not necessarily going to try to have a child.
It has been official for almost 6 months, but we are a clinically infertile couple. It breaks my heart to feel like this is something that I have to struggle with in this life. I have always had the desire to be a mother in Zion.
I cannot even express how many gallons of tears I have cried over this issue and every time I think I may be pregnant, when I realize I am not, the pain is almost unbearable.
Do these girls who cry about being pregnant even realize what they have? Do they realize what a gift it is to bring such a wonderful, special spirit into this world?
Why do so many take this privilege and blessing for granted? Do they realize how many people do not get to experience this? Do they even think about the feelings of those people who may never experience that wonderful life giving power?
I hope to someday be able to feel the joy and excitement of being able to know that I will be able to give a body to one of our Heavenly Father's spirit children. Someday I hope to be able to know what it feels like to have my husband rub my stomach and talk to our little one. Someday, I hope to know what it feels like to have my little one doing somersaults in my stomach. I want to be able to hold my little one, right after giving birth, and wonder if this is how Mary felt while she held her little boy. Or is this how my mother felt while she held me for the very first time.
I wish someday I will have that privilege and opportunity to experience the life giving power that so many of my peers seem to be devastated by. It amazes me that what destroys one woman's dreams is the exact same thing that will complete my deepest dream and desire.

School and Study Buddies

This semester school has been tough and busy. There have been several times I felt like I have barely been holding on. However, over the last week, I have got this new surge of energy and motivation for school.
I am not sure where it came from, but I am grateful for it. I am very grateful for my two dearest friends from the nursing program with me because I am sure they have something to do with it. These two girls are twins and very devoted students. As I have spend more and more time with them over the last few weeks, I have become progressively more motivated and less overwhelmed.
I think their superior study habits are staring to rub off on me and in the last two days we have taken two exams and the lowest grade on them was 88%. Not bad.
I testify to the benefits of having study partners. It is wonderful and amazing. I have enjoyed hanging out with these girls and getting to know more about them. I am grateful for them in my life and all that they have done for me this semester and know that we will be life-long friends.
Thanks for all your support and love. I know that there are many prayers being said in mine and Chase's behalf, thank you. I know that those too are great contributing factor in my success this semester. Love you all so very much! -- Chase 'n Ashlee

Sacrament Meeting Talk

So I have been asked to give a talk in Sacrament meeting on April 11th. It is based off a talk from the last general conference, entitled "Preserving the Heart's might change." It is a great talk that I highly recommend reading again, when you get the chance.
If anyone has any suggestions for that talk it would be great. Thanks for everything. Love you lots and hope life is treating you well. -- Chase 'n Ashlee

Our Life

Chase is still on fast-track to leave Redstone Arsenal early and get to Eglin Air Force Base early, which means he will probably graduate early from his Advanced Training. We will keep everyone updated on when the graduation will be. But plan on sometime in December, which I know is the worse time for that to happen since it is already a very busy time of year.
Chase will start his classes, hopefully, tomorrow. Once he is done with that class, he will have only two more things before being able to be moved to Eglin AFB in Florida. He is excited at the prospect of finishing early, but we will see what happens, there is no guarantee that he will be able to get to Eglin early. So only time will tell, and I will keep you updated.
As far as life with me in Utah, I am just chugging along in school. Finishing this semester. I am trying really hard not to lose motivation for school, which is really hard when you heart is divided between school and husband and you know that you can not have both at the same time.
This semester I will be finishing my medical/surgical rotation at the hospital. So far I have been on the cardiac floor, the post-surgical floor and spent the last two weeks in the OR. It has been really fun and I have really enjoyed my time in the hospital.
I am so excited by the prospect of seeing Chase in a little under two months. It will be such a treat to have a break from school for a few months and get to be with him. I think it will be what I need to regain my motivation to start doing it all over again. We love you all and are so grateful for your prayers that have helped us get through this experience. We could not be doing it if those prayers were not being said. Thank you so very much, and hope that someday you will understand how much it has helped us through. -- Chase 'n Ashlee